It is the end of yet another era, my German era. I have been living here over 2 years and during most of these 2 years, I’ve dreamed of leaving Germany. Not that I haven’t enjoyed my time here in Germany, there have been good moments, but my heart has been elsewhere. I have been dreaming, hoping, TRYING to find a way back to the UK. It is for that reason, I feel like I never fully let myself settle here or enjoy it. I think that I wanted to be in the UK so bad, that I found reasons to dislike Kaiserslautern. Some of my own doing, other reasons out of my control. Either way, I have wanted to leave. But now, knowing I am going to be leaving, I almost don’t want to.
I have lived and worked here since september 2018, so 2 years and a few months. Now I getting ready to embark on yet another new adventure, a new job, a new culture, a new Andrea. I have gotten content here for the most part. Mostly content in my job, the language I struggle, but for the most part, I am comfy here. I know where I like to shop, I know the doctors I like, I know the restaurants I like, yet I am getting ready to lose all that and it scares me. What if I am terrible at my job, what if I too hate that location, what if I don’t make friends and I am still just as lonely. There are a lot of what ifs and anyone who knows me knows I LOATHE “what ifs”. I want certainty, I want knowing, I want everything planned in a nice little bubble for me. That is how I thrive, by my organisation and planning. So for me to move in about 20 days, that scares me.
I have received my visa back and it was approved. Up until now, I had lived in the game of what if. What if it doesn’t get approved, what if it takes 2 months to get approved, what if what if what if. Knowing it was approved helps me calm down considerably but there are still too many variables for me to be too calm. I have to find movers, deal with my landlords, cancel bills, forward mail, find housing, a car, and so much more. I am nothing if not a planner so I know I can do it in the time frame given, but how stressed and anxious I will be during is the real issue. It’s funny because I always do this. It wasn’t like I didn’t plan or choose this, I did, I really did. I did think I would maybe have an extra month to plan but still. I am excited, but it’s going into the unknown that scares me. It makes me want to stay here where I am comfy, not happy, just comfy so I don’t have to move and put this pressure on. I know once I move and I’m there a month or two I will be fine. I just have to get to that point! For now, it’s all about doing what I do best: planning and organizing. I will keep you updated on my move as much as I can. Most is documented in my instagram but I figured this is a bit more permanent. Usually I say tschuss (goodbye in german) at the end of my post but I guess i’ll need to change. Cheers!
AJ goes abroad 